There is a scourge spreading across our land.
An epidemic amongst us.
A cancer eating our souls. It is consuming us.
It feeds on our weakness, our insecurities.
Luring us with its promise of gratification.
But, never delivering.
In its wake, disappointment and despair.
When it is over we are left making empty promises to ourselves.
I will do better tomorrow,
I will do better next time.
The lies, debasing, debilitating and, well, The lies.
This is surely the work of the devil!
The good book says our lives should be lived in strict accordance with the law.
Obey the law, that is an unquestionable absolute.
Only the most unprincipled human dares break or ignore these fundamental laws.
On your knees sinners, beg for forgiveness.
Confess your sins to the lord!
The numerous bags of Doritos, inhaled.
Oh yes, those Crispy Cream doughnuts, still hot from the oven, the light, crunchy sugar glaze. Irresistible, you might as well have another, and another.
Can I hear an amen!
And the pizza, even as the molten cheese, hotter than the fire of hell, welds itself to the roof of your mouth, yet still you reach for another piece and another.
The depravity boggles the mind
Repent, confess your sins. Beg for forgiveness
Do not pray for forgiveness.
For we all know, you cannot petition the lord with prayer.
You cannot petition the lord with prayer.
Beg forgiveness for your gluttony.
There are only seven deadly sins.
Is he really asking so much?
Only seven.
Are his demands so large?
Asking you to exercise a modicum of control.
Staying on the right side of the line, will bring you
To his right hand of the lord.
But, your transgressions only lead you to one place.
Burning in Hell for all eternity. Forever swimming in a burning cesspool, swimming in your own sewage, and for what?
Because you continue to consort with the devil!
The perdition I have warned you about is at hand.
Repent! Mend your ways. Right now, in this moment,
Beg him for forgiveness.
Go to your knees before your loving and wrathful lord.
Never question the irony of your lord’s love.
He loves you. He wants you sitting at his right hand.
But your insatiable need to stuff delicious tasting mostly non-nutritious food like substances into your pie hole angers him.
Well, it is more than anger.
His fury and disappointment with you is majestic, it is grand. In his wrath he will cast you into the pits of hell to burn, to suffer for all eternity.
Because you lack self control.
If that is not what love should look like,
I do not know what is.
I love you unconditionally, yet, if you disobey me, I will cause you to suffer unspeakable pain for all of eternity.
Hmmmm, sounds like my last relationship.
Next week, we will discuss the sanctity of marriage.