I met a friend today. It is a warm July morning in Atlanta. I am sitting outside at a black steel table in front of a coffee shop. The street is busy with humans beginning their day.
The whisper of tires on pavement is obscured by the incessant whine of two leaf blowers moving dust and leaves from one place to another.
Since I first met Guillaume he has been in a power wheel chair. Now, he is in his 79th year. Originally from Buenos Aires, his parents German. He has lived in the US for a longtime. He is a classically trained pianist. He now lives in a small apartment in Presbyterian Manor, a high-rise. He wants to play the piano, but cannot due to noise restrictions in his building.
Our relationship has evolved over coffee.
The deterioration of his health was accelerated after he was hit by a car several years ago, while crossing the street.
Rolling by this morning, slumped to the left in his chair, it took him a minute to recognize me. He gives me a lopsided smile. We acknowledge the passing of time since we last saw each other. Looking directly at me, from under his heavily lidded eyes, he says, “I have some bad news, I am refusing dialysis”
He tells me of the constant pain he lives with, arthritis and other issues.
Dialysis will not improve his life. It will, perhaps extend it a year or two.
What is the point of that? He states bluntly.
Today is the day of my birth, 63 years ago, it is not a coincidence I would begin my day sharing an intimate moment receiving this news, with my friend Guillaume.
I have so much to be grateful for. My daughter and friend, Mettie.
Her fiancé, my friend and soon to be my son….in law, Chris, my health.
My ever expanding community of amazing humans.
We do keep gathering and growing eh?
Each of us in our individual and collective search for worth and meaning. We bring light, beauty, music and color to the world. We, are a global nation of humans, unwilling to accept the mundane.
We are courageous in our pursuit of self-expression.
I tell Guillaume I understand and I am proud of him.
His courage. Acknowledging his amazing life of almost 80 years. And still, his courage to say NO! Maintaining a heartbeat is not enough. I demand a certain quality of life that is no longer present.
I am done.
He cannot join me for coffee this morning, he has an appointment with a visiting nurse. She arranging hospice care for him. He invites me to visit him sometime soon. He would like to show me his books and his new television.
We shake hands and say goodbye.
He begins to roll away, then stops and turns back toward me and says “Thank you for being proud of me”
As I look at my 63 years. On one hand I regret spending so much of my precious time being driven by my fears. Had I not, I could have loved more, made love more, created more.
On the other hand, had I done anything differently I would not be here now. So deeply rooted in a community of amazing humans, artists and creators.
You all inspire me.
Each of your feed my soul in a way I never could have imagined
I am proud of each of you for being you.
I love each of you.
There are even those among you I lust for.
My most precious treasure is that I get to wake up each morning and walk into a world populated by you, each of you.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for being in my life.
I am proud of you.
You inspire me.
I love you.
You are beautiful.